What I’m did/doing
I’ve been reading on the Substack app. It reminds me of the personal blogs we had in the 2000s (who remembers the blog reels of LiveJournal and Xanga) - where you’ve got a bunch of internet friends you’ve never met but you know as intimately as a best friend?
It’s interesting because I find myself getting weary of social media.
I’ve been spending significantly less time on Instagram because all the ads are killing me, plus current world events also make it very mentally draining to keep up (I’m aware this is a privilege and selfish of me but I’m not serving anyone by doomscrolling).
I do spend time on LinkedIn for work purposes and posting my work-related ideas and thoughts there, but beyond that I try to limit my exposure to social media.
I’m still reading, but not reviewing any books at the moment, so I guess my bookstagram account is back on hiatus. Oh well.
Only thing I worry about is Substack itself. For now, it's great, text, thoughtful essays, and no ads. Perfect. (Now only if they added a way to write and edit our stuff from the app…)
But, we’ve been here before - see another excellent essay on the enshittification of TikTok as a platform.
“Here is how platforms die: first, they are good to their users; then they abuse their users to make things better for their business customers; finally, they abuse those business customers to claw back all the value for themselves. Then, they die.”
For now we writers have it good. But how long would it take for Substack to introduce some policy that will fall in the asshole design category in the endless pursuit of more money? Time will tell, I guess.
Some other excellent essays I’ve found:
A pretty cool way of how expressing yourself on the Internet (whether blog post, or podcast or whatever) attracts cool people to you.
This one took the words out of my mouth - how reviews are a heuristic for us to make decisions and why over-relying on reviews can be detrimental - it’s good to trust your own taste and make decisions for yourself
What I’m thinking about
This excellent essay on friendship got me thinking: apart from family, how many close friends do you have?
Here’s what Pew found in 2023. A whopping 38% of Americans say they have five or more close friends. 55% say they have between one and four close friends. And 8% say they have no close friends.
My spouse often jokes that it’s funny that we are each other’s best friends. One of our versions of a fantastic day is one sat next to each other on the couch doing our own things.
And I find that if I’m not intentionally asking people to catch up or keeping up with their lives, it’s so easy to forget about them. You see each other once in a few years, often at someone’s wedding, make small talk for a bit, make vague plans to “we should meet up soon”, and it fades in the wake of adulting, responsibilities, work etc.
Honestly, I’m not the best at this either. I take ages to reply messages. I don’t follow up with people as often as I should.
Maybe that’s just life?
Especially in my 30s, I find I’m a lot more intentional with myself. I’ve gone back to things that I pursued (maybe they call it parenting your inner child), I’ve taken the self employment route, I stopped running and found new interests. (which defined my social relationships for a good two years).
Plus I’m married, so time spent with my spouse and prioritising that naturally take priority above friends, no matter how close you are.
Building a relationship takes work, and you’ve only got that many hours in the day and energy to allocate to worthwhile activities.
Plus, I find distance and proximity a huge factor in forming friendships. Think of that school clique you fell into because you took the same classes. Or the friendships based around a common interest.
People change. Your friends change. Some get married, some change in ways you’re not crazy about, you change in ways that make your friends dread relating to you.
Some friendships just drift apart and it’s nobody’s fault. OK, maybe blame time, distance and space.
But before this sounds super pessimistic, let’s not forget the reverse is also true, you strike up friendships with people you never spoke to in school, or you meet people who are a better fit for you in your 30s.
In short, I find friendships as you get older take a lot more intentional effort to maintain. My bar of which friends and friendships to invest time and effort has also changed. But the friends who grow with you or those you meet as a more mature adult - those are the ones to keep nurturing.
Whew okay this one sent me down 2 rabbit holes this week. But yes, lots of thoughts going around!
"In short, I find friendships as you get older take a lot more intentional effort to maintain. My bar of which friends and friendships to invest time and effort has also changed. But the friends who grow with you or those you meet as a more mature adult - those are the ones to keep nurturing." - YES TO THIS!!